mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
