so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
