I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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