so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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