Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
