I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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