even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
