she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
