I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
