Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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