anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
