Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
