): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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