yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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