i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
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Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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