sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
