Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
