I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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