I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
