Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
