He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
