Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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