It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
