break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
