Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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