you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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