I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
