She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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