he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
