Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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