Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
