My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
