Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
