Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
