I feel like I'm in dance class right now
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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