He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
