Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
