Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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