oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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