you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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