you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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