So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
