awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
