This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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