Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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