Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
