My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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