I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
