Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
