took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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