I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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