okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
