My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
