I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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