i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
