She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
