It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
