You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
