just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
