Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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