I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize