grandma shit on top of the toilet
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
