we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
